A new story

In our lives we meet people, the normal ordinary way whether at school college activities or wherever we want we meet different people and at this very moment of my life , i start to realize that i met so many people some that got stuck together and some that were lost alongside the winds of change. Life is so weird when it comes to meeting new people, am starting to feel that God is sending us a person on each phase of our lives to take our hands to something else ... To change a perspective or plant hope in the gardens of despair so as when we look back we could see what we could and couldn't have become. Some people i do really miss , their pictures represents a moment of reflection on a life i used to be living and if i see them again it'd be nice just to say hi , because like everything in life time goes on and it doesn't wait, it keeps opening space for the new to come in and let the old just go away. At this very moment of my life , i hope i can forget the past and all its stories and open a door for the new with all its shine , i hope i'm going in the right direction and i hope people i met have learnt something from me like what i learnt from them.

There are no words that can be as descriptive to how am feeling on earth now as those few lines. Those are the starting lines of the Novel (Movie) : The Perks Of Being A Wallflower 

12-12-12 (Are we there yet?)

This blog used to be called the voice within , because i thought i won't share what is in it with anyone and consequently it ended up spreading between everybody i know. In the end here i am with several empty blog posts, The fever of writing decayed dramatically by the effect of knowing that he/she will be reading it , he/she that i meet at work or outdoors, but this blog post is special , it brings me back to the real me to the voice within.

Ok where shall we start back to the days when i was a kid i used to dream of the future with all its tiny details things that could happen, the dreaming phase of my life started very long ago even back to the primary stage days when kids used to play football i used to sit in that little corner looking at them and thinking of the future and future as always can be expressed by numbers ; numbers that express days years and moments .. moments that we live and we can never forget , back to those days i used to believe that the future is so far away to even imagine it with all its details, calculations were made in my head always ended on that day 12-12-12 this day was so special to me simply because back then when i used to calculate my status it ended up that i'd be 24 years old and oh boy 24 years old was a digit a very big digit to me back then , i used to believe that by being 24 years everything would be perfect and the pieces of puzzle would have been complete pieces like i got a job i got a car , i even got engaged finished college , questions about how would my life look like at this age was one of the most complex questions and motivating ever since then.

Even when i grew older and several moments of my life in this world  used to end up by mathematical calculations to that day 12-12-12 , that day which is actually today ! yup that awkward moment when you realize that today is actually 12-12-12 and a question that pops to my mind at this exact moment (Are we there yet?)  Did time pass so quickly or we didn't live life to the fullest , why was this day popping in my mind to be so special and am i there yet to where i dreamed i'd be ? Here i am 24 years old but are we there yet ? why was the peak of my dreams is to be what i am already today , why didn't they teach us to dream bigger larger than the normal. Why is it while being kids no one ever taught us to dream bigger than just being normal. Why did my mathematical calculations end up today and couldn't go further.

Maybe today will be a really good day to just sit and reflect and as usual ask myself questions about where i am and where i wanted to be and where i want to be , maybe those special days in our lives that are marked in our memories are meant to be for this reason which is reflecting, may God guide us to the correct destination and to be honest looking back at my life today it's been a worth the ride journey الحمد لله.

New chapter (22-2-22) ...... 

Evil Batman

We all believe in super heroes but what if batman is an evil character and Bruce Wayne is just a person who wants fame and glory, what if the news spread all over Gotham city that batman wants to ruin the city and he's using his power just to outcast the criminals; so he can be the only powerful person in the city and then ruin it. Why do we believe in Batman and we have Gotham army and finest policemen; what do those people lack over batman. It's Bruce Wayne who is spending his days taking his parents vengeance and he doesn't care about the city or its people. Batman is not a good person there's no good person that wear a mask, he's doing all this to satisfy his ego, he doesn't love this city or the poor people; he lived his life in the Wayne palace and under the money of his father's empire. People shall unite and bring this outlaw down for the sake of this city and for the sake of our children ... for the sake of the innocent police men who lose their lives everyday in the adventures of this super hero .. Batman is not a super hero ... He's the villain and Gotham needs to wake up before its too late.

My note :  Even with few words batman can change from a super hero to a villain and that's what we're doing these days in our city of Gotham sorry Egypt

The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (#)

    BENJAMIN
                  I never met my father.



                                     

74   CONTINUED:                                                      74

                                CAPT. MIKE
                  You're a lucky bastard! All
                  father's want to do is hold you
                  down!.. Out on my father's boat,
                  working da two-a-days... This
                  littl' fat bastard, "tug Irish,"
                  what they calls them. They say
                  the Irish the only one's stupid
                  `nough to work a tug. Them and
                  the Portuguese, as we all know how
                  stupid them Portuguese is. I
                  fin'ly get up the nerves and tell
                  him... "I don't wanta spend da
                  rest of my life on a goddamn
                  tugboat...!" You know what I'm
                  sayin'?

                                BENJAMIN
                  You didn't want to spend the rest
                  of your life on a tugboat.

                                CAPT. MIKE
                  Absolutely, damn right! So you
                  know what my father says? He says
                  "Who the hell you think you are?"
                  "What the hell you think you can
                  do?" I tell him. "Well if you
                  askin' -- I want to be a artist."
                  He laughs. He says, "If God
                  wanted you to be an artist he
                  would made you one." "God wanted
                  you to work a tugboat just like
                  me, and that's what you goin' to
                  do?" "Now, if I ever hear you
                  mention art again, I'll throw you
                  overboard!" Well, I went and I
                  show him... I made myself an
                  artist...

     And he suddenly takes off his shirt, pulls down his
     pants... And we see he's covered, from head to toe, with
     "his artwork," and incredible array of tattoos...

                                 CAPT. MIKE (CONT'D)
                  A tattoos artist...! I puts every
                  one on myself!

     And they look it, upside down sideways and backwards...

                                CAPT. MIKE (CONT'D)
                  You have to skin me alive to take
                  my art away from me now! When I'm
                  dead I'm going to send him my arm!
                                (MORE)
                                                       (CONTINUED)

                                                                 55.

74   CONTINUED: (2)                                              74
                             CAPT. MIKE (CONT'D)
               Don't let anyone tell you
               different! You got to do what you
               meant to do! And I happen to be a
               god-damned artist!

                             BENJAMIN
                    (stating the obvious)
               But you're a tugboat captain.

Time

As you're reading these words right now eyes set on a laptop screen or a mobile screen. You may feel weird reading this post but i want to transfer to you a feeling that words can't describe, this feeling is the feeling of time.

I understand while reading now you can be curious or don't care but while am seeing the words bar moving as i type on my keyboard, i suffer from the feeling that this is just a snapshot of my life. Like my life is a string of photos attached together. I still remember seeing snapshots in school , college and finally at my work. During these snapshots i always longed for the future snapshots of life and all these snapshots collected together create what we call our life. When my mind stops working i focus on the snapshot and replace it with another one and this make my whole body shiver ... i really for the first time not able to transfer what i feel these days to words, but just to conclude, Life is a series of snapshots connected together and that's all i can think of as if now.

0x18

When i turned 18 years old a friend of mine sent me a song called "18 till i die" and i still remember this moment that i picked up the song and wondered how can someone remain 18 till he dies. 6 years later while celebrating my 24th birthday i started to realize that if we tweak the number from decimal representation to Hexadecimal the result will be 0x18 ... That maybe our age isn't about numbers,it's about perspective.

Death and all his friends

Death and all his friends, after searching about this Coldplay song meaning, it turned out that the main reason for this song is optimism and that we shouldn't be following the path of death and all his friends.

I'm tired of waking up everyday to a news that someone died , someone i never knew but was so close to heart that it hurts so bad through your ears, lungs, soul and finally your eyes can start to show tears that you try so hard to hide. This year i feel am reading everyday about death and all his friends, fear, anger and pain.

And the thought leads me to more terrible thoughts, the problem i found is that not me only who has this feeling, it's spreading in the whole generation veins like blood. Maybe death is the only fact we have to face one day ... The thought from a positive side can bring you this inner peace, that what could be worse than death to fear and you feel that you're so ready to face it. The thought itself is leading me to many answers to questions i never understood. So ending up with Coldplay words.

 So come over, just be patient, and don't worry 
So come over, just be patient, and don't worry

الهم ارحمنا اذا صرنا الى ما صاروا اليه

That Line

I don't know but now i remember very much the moment, heart beats my first job interview. I was having an interview in one of the biggest companies in the world, and here he came the young manager who's going to evaluate me, with his firm eyes yet casual looks.We kept talking the usual, salary, expectations, job role and in the end he took a look at my CV, then told me :

"That line, you should remove that line" 

I took a deep breath I know very well my CV, why did he ask me to remove that line specially, and the words written on that line were :

"Hobbies : Writing English short stories and poetry" 

A thousand thoughts passed through my mind at that moment, that maybe he didn't want me to be a project manager and show a sign of weakness in my CV. Maybe he hates writing and writers or maybe this part won't add value to my CV. After 2 years now am remembering this situation and i thought why didn't i even object or say something that can make me resolve my misery.

The only thing that i understand clearly now is that sometimes engineering and writing contradicts, you can't be a writer who talks about emotions , feelings , rainbows and butterflies. Then at the end of the day you solve an exponential numerical differential equation. I understand you can't have feelings and emotions if you want to meet company policy, targets, deadlines and KPI's. But still why can't we remain humans who live a normal life , i can be both a successful writer and an engineer. The only thing am sure of is that your career path has nothing to do with writing, because writing is the thing you enjoy doing while not working, the light to your heart and soul ... and this shouldn't be involved in our cruel work life, cause work life can stinks it.

I still remember my reply to him that day as i took a deep breath and with a faded smile i told him

"Ok, I'll remove it"

You

I can clearly understand how bad it feels for you to be in this situation once again, the same situation that we passed through together. I can understand your fear, anger and most importantly pain. I can see through your eyes the reflections of the past and the hope for the future. Within your small night dream, i could hear your voice, calling for help or maybe life. You've been always trying to carve the clouds with your story or live a life full of glory. It's been always the same story with you and her, you quit and she moves on and the ball just keeps rolling and the players keep on playing in the game. It's been always the spectator role you enjoyed the most, the part where you raise your hands up and cry tears of joy for watching a good game. You tried so hard to convince yourself you're not a good player in this game of life, but who puts the rules of good and bad anyway. I'm the closest to you and I've always been there to hear you, now it's time for you for once to listen and stop talking. It's time for your soul to touch the ground and feel the earth beating while revolving around the sun and the stars. The stars you always enjoyed watching everyday of your life. I can clearly understand how bad it feels for you , and who else would do ... If it's not me talking to you.

Thank you

To my barnaaaar , thanks for being always a faithful reader to my blog

Late Night Confession

When i used to be a little kid back to the days when the sun used to be brighter and the moon was a friend , i used to believe in idealism , i used to believe that there exist the what so called a perfect life , a perfect friend , a perfect love. I used to believe that if you don't choose that perfect thing, then you'd be riding a wrong bus and losing your road gradually. I used to enjoy being on my own more than being with people. Back then , there used to be my place; where i just enjoy watching people playing,laughing and talking. But for me i was like the director of the whole scene. I used to enjoy thinking about the universe , i used to love creating stories in my head more than living them , i used to believe that fairy tale characters do exist. I used to believe that i'm myself an ideal person full of values. Back then , everything seemed to be perfect and i have to admit that this period of my life have shaped many of my thoughts and beliefs until this moment am living.

Until one day i realized that life isn't that perfect and you can't live a perfect life and that the perfection sometimes lie in our imperfections. I started to be hit by the spark of thoughts from other people and other beliefs , people thought of me as an introvert or someone who's too picky and sometimes conceited. I still believe that sometimes we need sometime on our own. And since i spent most of my childhood on my own, creating fairy tales is still something i enjoy , so don't pity me when you see me sitting all alone or not engaging in a happy people discussion because at this very moment i'll be enjoying myself much more than you imagine.

The hole in the sky

 

It came close to me as if it's sending me a message , it was clear in the vast space with clouds trying so hard to fill it, it was the hole in the sky. In this terrible weather clouds were doing their best to cover it, like it's gonna show the vast universe beyond and fill the earth with light. The gap between two clouds was so clear to me but not to everyone as i tried to see the imperfection of the perfection. It kept moving and rain started to fall, the hole started to decrease closely until the sky was all filled with clouds and rain. And then i realized that the hole in the sky is as big as the hole inside my heart.

The state

It just comes sneaking to your soul , it doesn't leave a place it just keeps propagating inside your mind , it captivates you with its purity yet devilish attitude , it gives you shiver all the time and reproduce destructive thoughts inside your head , it produce the childish sound that we all hate and drum beats keep playing in your ears, it makes you not able to walk stamped in your place. It's your inner fear that can capture you or set you free.

Déjà vu

Déjà vu , (literally "already seen") is the experience of feeling sure that one has already witnessed or experienced a current situation, even though the exact circumstances of the prior encounter are uncertain and were perhaps imagined. wikipedia

I was planning to start the topic with this definition and carry on writing but seems that the definition said exactly what i wanted to say , how many times do we have to keep repeating the same mistakes and ending up stuck in the same memory and same pain. It's at those moments that you feel like 'hey' i felt like this before i was stuck in this dilemma before or that same rock had hit my heart before. In my case it's not a Déjà vu  it's just me repeating the same mistakes.

An Alien Dream

I had once that weird dream , that i still clearly remember , i dreamed that a 'UFO' came to visit me by the balcony of my home with its big shiny front lights flashing the sky in-front of my eyes , i wasn't afraid at all from its light i felt as a hope is coming to grab me away , without any talk the Alien spaceship just uncovered its lips and without words the permission was clear , they wanted me on the ship. A mixture of feelings were there within me the only thing i wished for was to wish my family a goodbye but they didn't even want to grant me my final earthy wish. I just smiled to my home and i was flying away to ride on the ship waving goodbye to the home where i always lived, in complete joy and surrender.

I remembered this dream today and i really thought to myself why was i in complete happiness and surrender to the Alien decision to take me away from earth , why i wasn't afraid to be taken away from the land like a tree being chopped off its soil. Maybe i really don't belong here, maybe i needed a cinematic change to my life, maybe because i was ready to give up everything, just to reveal the secrets of the universe and  life in outer space, but i believe the most realistic answer was that maybe i thought i'd find real humans somewhere in outer space as this earth is becoming lately ......... A land full of Aliens.

The Train

 

Mal: I'll tell you a riddle. You're waiting for a train. A train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you; but you don't know for sure. But it doesn't matter. How can it not matter to you where that train will take you?
Cobb: Because you'll be together. 

 

This quote is from the movie Inception and this post has nothing to do with the movie , but for whatever reason i can't remove these words from my head lately.  The train The waiting The far away place The hope, Those make a perfect mix at this missing piece of puzzle in my life and to conclude my situation now.

I'm waiting for a train

Degree of freedom

In life we have two degrees of freedom , if i can't pass the first degree then i'll never be able to ask for the second 

Proud of ...

"I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again" Benjamin Button

Don't ask me why but these words are ringing in my head day and night lately and it's the most annoying words to ring in my head because I really don't know if am living a life that I should be proud of or not it's a deep feeling of losing directions.

And the more I try to understand what could make me proud I get even more lost in the thoughts directions and deep reasons of life and up-till now to be honest there's no clear indication of what could make me proud of myself. 

الحقيقة وراء Noha elmasri

A beautiful day on Facebook sitting by my screen and this picture keeps popping to my right side menu.

And as they say curiosity can kill the cat sometimes i wanted to see who's this great person in history that deserve me to subscribe to her news feed so i go into the profile and here's the following 

Just few quick comments a person who has 277,000 subscribers and sorry to say 277,000 stupid person , how the hell does this mix combine with a simple logic .. she went to cairo university and then (sob7an Allah) she went to Alexandria university and at the end of the road she works at Google (google yemken beta3 el playstation) and everyone is happy subscribing to the account. And here's how you can make a successful account in Egypt all you can do is put the picture of a beautiful girl and "voila" the whole Egyptian love and subscribe , this is not the only example i can see many from the style of AUC girl who has thousands of subscribers and for the sake of humanity would a real girl allow this to her profile unless she's 1 of 2 things you name them.

And as i said i became more curious thanks to new technology of Google images actually you can search the web by using image shots .. so i searched by the image to know who's really Noha elmasri.

First result from the page of (فتيات وشباب يبحثون عن الزواج) and guess what with more than 20,000 subscribers you can check and see all pictures of Noha elmasri.

And i found another profile i think maybe that's the real Noha elmasri but this time she's called Farah Osama

I made all this topic not just for the sake of telling people not to subscribe to Noha elmasri or Farah Osama or maybe facebook would stop popping these stupid suggestions and whoever the hell that person is , but what i really wanted to point out is the main problem we're suffering here in Egypt within our community ... guys go get a life.