Inside the box

Inside the box ... Where no one has ever been walls carved with memories, hopes and dreams. A small river pass by with reflections from the past and small creatures dreaming of a better future. Inside the box where no one has ever been except me ... Yes me. Inside this box where I usually trap myself and I no longer search for the keys, drawing patters and images about how life outside could be.

As days go by I start to see a silver lining passing through the cracks of the box walls, start to grab a chair and sit beneath the light hoping one day to be set free. I keep on asking myself if my soul is trapped inside the box created by the past and created by a culture that one day will be obsolete. The cracks start to get bigger and bigger as days go by and i could for the fist time hear the birds singing outside the dark box of despair. So the question is whether freedom exist inside or outside the box , do these cracked walls became your home sneaking out some light from here and there. Do i belong to the darkness or the light ?

I'm not that strong to break the walls with my hammer of knowledge nor I strong enough to find my way back to the box,so you wait for a chance ... someone to show you the way out or the way back in. A dream that could and couldn't be and for the first time of my life i start searching beneath the old trees for the box's keys , wondering if i'll ever find them or i'll have to break the walls in order to find me.

A new story

In our lives we meet people, the normal ordinary way whether at school college activities or wherever we want we meet different people and at this very moment of my life , i start to realize that i met so many people some that got stuck together and some that were lost alongside the winds of change. Life is so weird when it comes to meeting new people, am starting to feel that God is sending us a person on each phase of our lives to take our hands to something else ... To change a perspective or plant hope in the gardens of despair so as when we look back we could see what we could and couldn't have become. Some people i do really miss , their pictures represents a moment of reflection on a life i used to be living and if i see them again it'd be nice just to say hi , because like everything in life time goes on and it doesn't wait, it keeps opening space for the new to come in and let the old just go away. At this very moment of my life , i hope i can forget the past and all its stories and open a door for the new with all its shine , i hope i'm going in the right direction and i hope people i met have learnt something from me like what i learnt from them.

Lost in Time

You know ... 

There was a time when everything was different, 

the way we looked the way we talked 

the way we perceive this life. 

There was a time when everything seemed so small. 

The sun, the moon and the falling stars across the sky

You know ... 

There were days that felt so long yet so short 

All of a sudden those days are what we're longing for....

There were this group of people walking together,

They got scattered by the first cross roads

You know ...

Am just lost in time with all its memories

Old,new ....

What's yesterday and what's today ... 

you know or maybe you don't know ?

Two Lost Souls

Two lost souls, lost their way while searching for home.

Met each other at last, at the dark night cross roads.

Shared their stories together in the blinding cold.

Let their dreams of freedom together unfold.

Two lost souls, lost their way while searching for home.

Turned out  ...

Each others was what they were looking for 

Before Ramdan

This doodle was just before Ramdan, it contains all the disturbance going on my head at this period. We were expecting the release of the Dark knight rises and also it was the start of London 2012 Olympics. I remember that day very well at was one of those moments when you sit and put it all out on a piece of paper.

A bus doodle

This doodle was made on the bus i was taking from Granada Spain to Cordoba Spain , I actually had back then my iPod on and those were the music playing , this remains one of my all time favorite doodles. Song list included :

Sting (Shape of my heart)
Coldplay(Viva-La-Vida)
Fairouz(Keifak Enta)
SnowPatrol(Chasing Cars)

Your Picture

Intro : The number of poems i wrote in 2012 can be counted on hands , I'm posting this here now because there's a very very tiny probability that the one i wrote the poem to would read it.

Your Picture

I'm not tired of looking at your picture,

Not tired of seeing that sparkle in your eyes,

Lighting the dark sides of the screen of life.

For you, I'll start a journey to the center of hell

to be washed away by your heaven for one day.

I'm not tired of looking at your picture everyday

But i just hate how it feels when i start to see 

That you're not looking back at me 

The Pathetic Ocean

There used to be an ocean far away from here , where people just go and weap infront of it
everyday people would go and cry till the tears mix with the rain and the demons fire get extinguished by the ocean breeze, and then people would come and go after being washed away from their pain and sorrow. No one till now knows why it was called the pathetic ocean, maybe because people who go there are so pathetic to do anything but cry their tears out along its waves and under its rainy sky

There she came and took her sorrows inside her bag and went were people told her she should go,
along the shore she started to cry beside those who were crying and then started feeling the relief she missed long ago, seems like the perfect place and the perfect retreat she was looking for along the shore of the pathetic ocean, she kept on crying until the memories started running away from her head to toe and the pain seemed the only thing that was left to go and there she's crying the hardest for some reasons she know and others she didn't know. At this very moment, she forgot who she were or what she did. Just a moment of reflection beside the pathetic ocean where people come and go and they no longer feel pathetic, demotivated or lost , where the beauty of nature and the water from heaven fall from the sky to wash away all that was left behind, there she stood bare feet looking at the sky and the ocean in-front her. After few hours she took her empty bag and got her shoes on and went back home, there her past stood by the
door and asked her where she's been, she said crying in-front of the pathetic ocean.

There are no words that can be as descriptive to how am feeling on earth now as those few lines. Those are the starting lines of the Novel (Movie) : The Perks Of Being A Wallflower 

12-12-12 (Are we there yet?)

This blog used to be called the voice within , because i thought i won't share what is in it with anyone and consequently it ended up spreading between everybody i know. In the end here i am with several empty blog posts, The fever of writing decayed dramatically by the effect of knowing that he/she will be reading it , he/she that i meet at work or outdoors, but this blog post is special , it brings me back to the real me to the voice within.

Ok where shall we start back to the days when i was a kid i used to dream of the future with all its tiny details things that could happen, the dreaming phase of my life started very long ago even back to the primary stage days when kids used to play football i used to sit in that little corner looking at them and thinking of the future and future as always can be expressed by numbers ; numbers that express days years and moments .. moments that we live and we can never forget , back to those days i used to believe that the future is so far away to even imagine it with all its details, calculations were made in my head always ended on that day 12-12-12 this day was so special to me simply because back then when i used to calculate my status it ended up that i'd be 24 years old and oh boy 24 years old was a digit a very big digit to me back then , i used to believe that by being 24 years everything would be perfect and the pieces of puzzle would have been complete pieces like i got a job i got a car , i even got engaged finished college , questions about how would my life look like at this age was one of the most complex questions and motivating ever since then.

Even when i grew older and several moments of my life in this world  used to end up by mathematical calculations to that day 12-12-12 , that day which is actually today ! yup that awkward moment when you realize that today is actually 12-12-12 and a question that pops to my mind at this exact moment (Are we there yet?)  Did time pass so quickly or we didn't live life to the fullest , why was this day popping in my mind to be so special and am i there yet to where i dreamed i'd be ? Here i am 24 years old but are we there yet ? why was the peak of my dreams is to be what i am already today , why didn't they teach us to dream bigger larger than the normal. Why is it while being kids no one ever taught us to dream bigger than just being normal. Why did my mathematical calculations end up today and couldn't go further.

Maybe today will be a really good day to just sit and reflect and as usual ask myself questions about where i am and where i wanted to be and where i want to be , maybe those special days in our lives that are marked in our memories are meant to be for this reason which is reflecting, may God guide us to the correct destination and to be honest looking back at my life today it's been a worth the ride journey الحمد لله.

New chapter (22-2-22) ...... 

Lemon Juice

He used to hate this moment of the day when he wakes up in the early morning to find a cup of lemon juice on the table ready for him to drink, His parents legend say that if he drinks this lemon juice he'll be cured from the evil monsters that he watches in the cartoons. He used to love how it tastes,how the sparkle of the lemon in the cup catch his eye, but he just hated the fact that he has to drink it. It's an order and orders must be obeyed. From his young child-hold he hated orders,rules and everything that would tell him what to do and what not to do like don't stay up late, you must get up early, you must get an A, you must .. you must .. A word created a denial deep inside himself. As years of life pass by, the importance of Lemon juice started falling down the interest of his parents, he no longer wakes up to find the monster free juice on the table. His rate of drinking lemon decayed heavily as he reached Secondary stage of his education from daily basis to monthly basis, he enjoyed the freedom of space he has, he no longer need to drink lemon.

"Monsters, were you kidding me and fooling me as a kid, i won't drink lemon again"

He stopped drinking lemon for a long period , until one day he caught a really bad flu and he started to realize that the evil monsters were microbes and lemon was Vitamin C that would protect him from getting infected by the monstrous disease, later in his life he would wake up early and make a lemon juice everyday.

"Dad, why do you wake up everyday and make me a lemon juice ? " His son asked him with a childish look on his face.

"Ohh son, haven't i told you the story of lemon and the evil monsters" He replied.

Evil Batman

We all believe in super heroes but what if batman is an evil character and Bruce Wayne is just a person who wants fame and glory, what if the news spread all over Gotham city that batman wants to ruin the city and he's using his power just to outcast the criminals; so he can be the only powerful person in the city and then ruin it. Why do we believe in Batman and we have Gotham army and finest policemen; what do those people lack over batman. It's Bruce Wayne who is spending his days taking his parents vengeance and he doesn't care about the city or its people. Batman is not a good person there's no good person that wear a mask, he's doing all this to satisfy his ego, he doesn't love this city or the poor people; he lived his life in the Wayne palace and under the money of his father's empire. People shall unite and bring this outlaw down for the sake of this city and for the sake of our children ... for the sake of the innocent police men who lose their lives everyday in the adventures of this super hero .. Batman is not a super hero ... He's the villain and Gotham needs to wake up before its too late.

My note :  Even with few words batman can change from a super hero to a villain and that's what we're doing these days in our city of Gotham sorry Egypt

Incoming call

She steps into the cafe' with her right foot as she always used to do alongside his footsteps, but for the first time she steps in on her own. She sets her eyes on their favorite place beside the window where they used to curve their dreams as they watch people come and go. The waiter comes and trying to hide his question greets her, she replies with a smile "One hot chocolate ... Only one"  and she starts looking with hesitant eyes towards her mobile phone waiting for it to ring. Underneath her tired eyes lies the shadow of her past and the unforgettable moments they had together. As people come and go she starts drinking her hot chocolate and reflections of his presence starts coming and going. "You told me you're going to love me forever .." He promised her love and happiness ever after, but here she's left trying to remember a past that didn't last. She starts a flash back of their wedding, love letters, honey moon and the brick by brick home they built together. The fairy tale story they kept carving with their ink and paper seems to stop at this chapter. "Something is wrong .. " She says with a deep sigh that people around her started to notice her disturbance. why does their love no longer feel the same, Is it the life that became a burden on their back. Today she decided to visit the place where it all started where they used to meet looking for answers or maybe drinking some glimpses of their love story that were lost alongside the waves of life. She didn't tell him she's going today she simply left home undecided where her footsteps will lead her.Her phone suddenly starts to ring and his name alongside their wedding picture appears, with hesitant hands moving towards the red button she takes a deep breath and press "Ignore"

The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (#)

    BENJAMIN
                  I never met my father.



                                     

74   CONTINUED:                                                      74

                                CAPT. MIKE
                  You're a lucky bastard! All
                  father's want to do is hold you
                  down!.. Out on my father's boat,
                  working da two-a-days... This
                  littl' fat bastard, "tug Irish,"
                  what they calls them. They say
                  the Irish the only one's stupid
                  `nough to work a tug. Them and
                  the Portuguese, as we all know how
                  stupid them Portuguese is. I
                  fin'ly get up the nerves and tell
                  him... "I don't wanta spend da
                  rest of my life on a goddamn
                  tugboat...!" You know what I'm
                  sayin'?

                                BENJAMIN
                  You didn't want to spend the rest
                  of your life on a tugboat.

                                CAPT. MIKE
                  Absolutely, damn right! So you
                  know what my father says? He says
                  "Who the hell you think you are?"
                  "What the hell you think you can
                  do?" I tell him. "Well if you
                  askin' -- I want to be a artist."
                  He laughs. He says, "If God
                  wanted you to be an artist he
                  would made you one." "God wanted
                  you to work a tugboat just like
                  me, and that's what you goin' to
                  do?" "Now, if I ever hear you
                  mention art again, I'll throw you
                  overboard!" Well, I went and I
                  show him... I made myself an
                  artist...

     And he suddenly takes off his shirt, pulls down his
     pants... And we see he's covered, from head to toe, with
     "his artwork," and incredible array of tattoos...

                                 CAPT. MIKE (CONT'D)
                  A tattoos artist...! I puts every
                  one on myself!

     And they look it, upside down sideways and backwards...

                                CAPT. MIKE (CONT'D)
                  You have to skin me alive to take
                  my art away from me now! When I'm
                  dead I'm going to send him my arm!
                                (MORE)
                                                       (CONTINUED)

                                                                 55.

74   CONTINUED: (2)                                              74
                             CAPT. MIKE (CONT'D)
               Don't let anyone tell you
               different! You got to do what you
               meant to do! And I happen to be a
               god-damned artist!

                             BENJAMIN
                    (stating the obvious)
               But you're a tugboat captain.

خرج ولن يعد

He never understood the meaning of how to be alive, he used to believe that everything happens for a reason and that everything just happen without us knowing or working hard to let it happen. He never stopped one day believing that life is perfect and his country is utopia, as days of his life started moving forward alongside the clock ticks of tomorrow, the perfect un-perfect is all he started to discover within himself and those around him. The bubble he used to be buried inside started leaking some air in and here he's now watching it as it's preparing for its final wish ... to blow away.He studied what they told him to study, wasted his life waiting for people to clap their hands for his life performance but they never asked him what he really wanted .. he himself never knew. His anger to himself started recently when a single accident changed his life.He was crossing the street he used to cross everyday, not knowing or not focusing he still can't remember except that as fast as a train car was in-front of his eyes, he took a deep breath and had nothing to do but to close his eyes and get ready to leave his life. Silence was all over the place, not aware what happened he realized that the car just passed few millimeters away from him. Not feeling any part of his body, he went back home. For the first time of his life he never stopped staring at the ceiling of his room and all his life events started projecting in black and white over his room's ceiling. He started to realize that all this life he's been living a life of no value or meaning and an idea started prevailing from his head to his feet. An idea that was so solid yet so volatile that it couldn't leave him and he couldn't just hush it away like he always did whenever he had such kinds of thoughts."Allaho Akbar Allaho Akbar" The fajr azzan started mixing with his decision, he got his bag ready filled it with what could make him alive for few days, left everything that could attach him to the invaluable past. "Teet...Teet....Teet" His parents woke up to his mobile alarm that didn't stop ringing, they thought he forgot it at home but something just didn't feel right as they closed his room door. They found that big stamped paper with only 3 words "خرج ولن يعد"