That Line

I don't know but now i remember very much the moment, heart beats my first job interview. I was having an interview in one of the biggest companies in the world, and here he came the young manager who's going to evaluate me, with his firm eyes yet casual looks.We kept talking the usual, salary, expectations, job role and in the end he took a look at my CV, then told me :

"That line, you should remove that line" 

I took a deep breath I know very well my CV, why did he ask me to remove that line specially, and the words written on that line were :

"Hobbies : Writing English short stories and poetry" 

A thousand thoughts passed through my mind at that moment, that maybe he didn't want me to be a project manager and show a sign of weakness in my CV. Maybe he hates writing and writers or maybe this part won't add value to my CV. After 2 years now am remembering this situation and i thought why didn't i even object or say something that can make me resolve my misery.

The only thing that i understand clearly now is that sometimes engineering and writing contradicts, you can't be a writer who talks about emotions , feelings , rainbows and butterflies. Then at the end of the day you solve an exponential numerical differential equation. I understand you can't have feelings and emotions if you want to meet company policy, targets, deadlines and KPI's. But still why can't we remain humans who live a normal life , i can be both a successful writer and an engineer. The only thing am sure of is that your career path has nothing to do with writing, because writing is the thing you enjoy doing while not working, the light to your heart and soul ... and this shouldn't be involved in our cruel work life, cause work life can stinks it.

I still remember my reply to him that day as i took a deep breath and with a faded smile i told him

"Ok, I'll remove it"

You

I can clearly understand how bad it feels for you to be in this situation once again, the same situation that we passed through together. I can understand your fear, anger and most importantly pain. I can see through your eyes the reflections of the past and the hope for the future. Within your small night dream, i could hear your voice, calling for help or maybe life. You've been always trying to carve the clouds with your story or live a life full of glory. It's been always the same story with you and her, you quit and she moves on and the ball just keeps rolling and the players keep on playing in the game. It's been always the spectator role you enjoyed the most, the part where you raise your hands up and cry tears of joy for watching a good game. You tried so hard to convince yourself you're not a good player in this game of life, but who puts the rules of good and bad anyway. I'm the closest to you and I've always been there to hear you, now it's time for you for once to listen and stop talking. It's time for your soul to touch the ground and feel the earth beating while revolving around the sun and the stars. The stars you always enjoyed watching everyday of your life. I can clearly understand how bad it feels for you , and who else would do ... If it's not me talking to you.

25 hours

He raised his hands up to the sky above and prayed God to grant him his only wish , the wish he always wanted ... It was a rainy dark night and as if the doors from heaven were open to hear his wish. His wish "25 hours" he wished to have 25 hours in his day instead of 24 hours.

At the following morning, he woke up to his buzzing alarm clock and working hard to reach the silent button. For the first time he looks at his clock and see a +1 button , feeling weird he press on it to find out that the hours arm of the clock swings back 1 hour and the button becomes disabled. He understands now clearly that his wish has come to life, he now has 25 hours a day and the first decision he took is to sleep this extra hour. After 1 hour exactly the alarm clock started buzzing once again but this time he was so relieved , relaxed and was happy to press on its silent button.

At the following morning , he woke up to the buzzing alarm clock and now he can see his magic +1 button not disabled , he decides to use it later ... so he heads to work and remember that deadline he's having and use the +1 button but still this didn't help him , he kept working all day and finally went home dead tired and slept.

At the following morning , so tired from yesterday night. he pressed on the +1 button to sleep this extra hour ,the hour he always wished for. But seemed that it's not working to help him out. He only wanted this extra hour to do other stuff than his work like playing sports , meeting friends or reading a good story. But since he was granted this 1 extra hour , he's been using it in either sleeping or working.

At the following morning , he woke up , headed to the same place and raised his hands up to the sky above and prayed God to grant him his only wish , the wish he always wanted. His wish "26 hours".

The Watch

He was that someone, you'd eventually fear talking to. He was so smart yet underneath that smart soul lies a lonely one. His young age that seemed to be the age of having fun was different to him, he was enjoying the silence of loneliness and avoiding the bitterness of the loud company. He enjoyed drawing patterns within his small imagination and creating cubes within his soul. His imagination was beyond definition with characters creation that no one could ever imagine. He was the kind of guy anyone wouldn't expect that much to be within him, he just kept hiding beneath his imaginary glasses.

In his lonely imaginative world he created, he always faced that bitter moments where he had to disconnect from it and engage with people in reality, so he created the simplest ways of escaping that fact, that method was simply looking at his watch , yes his watch , that complicated device he bought specially for this purpose; which is escaping the crowds. Whenever he's in a middle of a complex conversation or sitting in a party or walking among the crowds, He'd just look at his watch and starts playing with its buttons. He used to play that stop watch game where he had to match numbers like 1:1:1 2:2:2 or keeps counting the minutes or the second , for him it gave him intense relief to be looking at his watch rather than looking at people in the eyes.

She was that girl that can bring anyone down,  with her long hair and brown eyes , no one was able to reach her. She was the school princess. He knew very well who she was; he actually made her the princess of his imaginary world and for him the only way to re-act whenever she passed beside him was what he got used to .. the perfect escape ... look at the watch. He tried so hard to stop himself from doing so but it was so hard for him to even do another reaction to express his feelings. The same scene kept repeating several times and still all the words were left unspoken like the clock digits remained silent, and his eyes never stopped falling on his watch.

Until the day came when he was determined to not look at the watch and look into her eyes, she passed his way like everyday and he couldn't resist but look at his watch , but only this time she smiled to him that heavenly smile and asked him "What time is it now?"

Regret

As she hears the words of her typewriting on the keyboard, she stares away and starts to see her reflection on the screen, she can see her dark hair and not so much make up, and the firm looks on her eyes with the dark shadow of tiredness beneath her eye lashes. It’s

Already 7 pm and she hasn’t left office yet.

On her desk, lies her name tag engraved with the words “Amira” or Princess but she was no princess to anyone, she likes to be noticed as the royal queen. She’s the one who’s actually in control of how everything goes here. In her royal palace, beside the certificates and medals, lies only one sign of weakness that she couldn’t give up. It’s the small wooden hearted picture frame with the photo of her son. She haven’t seen him for few months now, he has followed her stubborn path and is now following his dreams. She admits she’s been cruel to him when she gave up her family for the sake of her career glory and he’s now doing the same to her. She misses him in every word a book can describe, she feels lonely as wrinkles start to appear on her face with every month she spends on her own.

With all these images passing through her head, there remains one email she always keeps in her draft folder, an email with only two words, it’s been there for years and she regrets not having it sent long ago. At this very moment, she realizes it’s time to press “Send” to an email with subject and text “I quit”.

Thank you

To my barnaaaar , thanks for being always a faithful reader to my blog

الحقنة

"Ouch......" he wished he could scream at the top of his voice but he couldn't, how could he scream while being captivated in her presence, today he completes 1 month and 4 continues syringe shots for his alleged disease. Looking at her face he can see nothing but a shy smile on her face. It was his choice to pretend that he has a simple disease that needs these shots , he spent days and nights wandering at the vast space and counting the stars and trying to find a way to send her his heart message , until he's not sure whether the devil or angels from heaven inspired him to pretend that he's sick and this was the only way for his eyes to be set on hers. In her pharmacy. The syringe shot day or in other words the day of "الحقنة" was like a festival, he could see kids screaming at the top of their voice from pain but it was all set aside; when she started asking him how's he doing. As he saw the syringe getting ready, all he could think about was the moment he's gonna really get cured from his real disease. After taking the shot he becomes too paralyzed to even say "Bye" but today is the last shot day , and to himself he understood very well that it's his last shot and his final shot to win her heart. Getting ready to leave the pharmacy for the last time and with pain both in his hands and heart he leaves, like the  warrior who left the battle field injured,lost and most importantly defeated. As he walks one minute away from the pharmacy he hears her voice and he feels as if he's dreaming .. "Sir .. " .. "Sir .. " he turns around to see her face walking from far behind and the barriers all broke in-front of him and all he could do is set eyes on hers .. She said in a shy voice "I made a mistake while giving you the last shot ,i'm so sorry can you pass by tomorrow and i'll give you the correct injection" He smiled and said "Yes .."

Late Night Confession

When i used to be a little kid back to the days when the sun used to be brighter and the moon was a friend , i used to believe in idealism , i used to believe that there exist the what so called a perfect life , a perfect friend , a perfect love. I used to believe that if you don't choose that perfect thing, then you'd be riding a wrong bus and losing your road gradually. I used to enjoy being on my own more than being with people. Back then , there used to be my place; where i just enjoy watching people playing,laughing and talking. But for me i was like the director of the whole scene. I used to enjoy thinking about the universe , i used to love creating stories in my head more than living them , i used to believe that fairy tale characters do exist. I used to believe that i'm myself an ideal person full of values. Back then , everything seemed to be perfect and i have to admit that this period of my life have shaped many of my thoughts and beliefs until this moment am living.

Until one day i realized that life isn't that perfect and you can't live a perfect life and that the perfection sometimes lie in our imperfections. I started to be hit by the spark of thoughts from other people and other beliefs , people thought of me as an introvert or someone who's too picky and sometimes conceited. I still believe that sometimes we need sometime on our own. And since i spent most of my childhood on my own, creating fairy tales is still something i enjoy , so don't pity me when you see me sitting all alone or not engaging in a happy people discussion because at this very moment i'll be enjoying myself much more than you imagine.

The hole in the sky

 

It came close to me as if it's sending me a message , it was clear in the vast space with clouds trying so hard to fill it, it was the hole in the sky. In this terrible weather clouds were doing their best to cover it, like it's gonna show the vast universe beyond and fill the earth with light. The gap between two clouds was so clear to me but not to everyone as i tried to see the imperfection of the perfection. It kept moving and rain started to fall, the hole started to decrease closely until the sky was all filled with clouds and rain. And then i realized that the hole in the sky is as big as the hole inside my heart.